Friday, December 14, 2007

Never Argue With A Woman

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Duct Tape

Contrary to popular opinion, duct tape IS NOT good for fixing everything!

Jeff walked into a bar and saw his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walked over and asked him what was wrong.

“Well,” replied Paul. “You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?”

“Yes,” replied Jeff with a laugh.

“Well,” said Paul, straightening up, “I finally worked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed.”

“That’s great!” said Jeff. “When are you going out?”

“I went to meet her this evening,” continued Paul, “but I was worried I’d get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped “it” to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn’t show”.

“Sensible” said Jeff.

“So I get to her door,” said Paul, “and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, sexiest, dress you ever saw.”

“And what happened then?”

“I kicked her in the face.”

Sunday, December 2, 2007